


Memory of Red

by Akiko_Natsuko



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Forgiveness, Gen, Guilt, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 07:45:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16237247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: There was blood on his hands. It didn’t matter that years had passed or that his brother had forgiven him, it didn’t matter how many times he washed it away, the red would always return.





	Memory of Red

    Hanzo started awake with his brother’s name o his lips and the feeling of blood on his hands, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he bolted upright. His head throbbed at the movement, pain lancing through his side reminding him of his injuries and his eyes darted down to the bandages them, and his stomach churned violently as for a moment all he could see was red.

    He blinked, struggling to breathe and it took him a few minutes before he was able to suck in a desperate, struggling breath to calm himself, his vision slowly clearly. The red faded away, and when he blinked again he was met with the sight of pristine bandages, confusion and the lingering panic that had risen at the sight of the red leaving him feeling as though his stomach might rebel at any moment. He had felt blood. He had seen blood. His breathing was speeding up again, whistling past the lump that had risen in his throat, past and present intermingling and he huddled in on himself despite the pain, trying to shrink away from the red encroaching on his vision again.

Blood, there was blood.

     His vision was filling with red once more, and no matter how hard he blinked it didn’t shift and he rapidly pressed a hand to his mouth as bile rose. However, it didn’t help because all he could smell now was the coppery scent of blood and a low whimper escaped before he could smother it.

“Hanzo?” The sleepy voice, underpinned by the familiar soft whirr of machinery startled him, teeth catching his bottom lip as he tried to swallow back another whimper as he turned his wide eyes towards the source of the sound. A chill sweeping through him, making him shudder as he met his brother’s worried gaze. _Genji…_

    Normally seeing Genji and being reminded that his brother was alive and with him was enough to calm him, chasing back the nightmares and memories, but today all he could see was red. Red covering his hands, red covering his brother and his stomach rolled violently, his vision blurring as the world went in and out of focus, and for a moment he was back in the courtyard in Hanamura.

_His fingers were already slipping against the now bloody hilt of his katana, but his grip failed all together as he staggered back, reality rushing back to him as Genji followed him half a step before slumping to his knees in front of him, Genji’s front slowly being dyed crimson in front of his horrified gaze._

     A gentle touch on his shoulder dragged Hanzo back to the present and he flinched violently, realising that whilst he had been caught up in the memory Genji had reached his side. He was now leaning over him, hand lingering on his shoulder as he talked to him a low, worried voice. “Hanzo? Hanzo, what is it? Are you feeling unwell? Have you pulled the stiches?” Hanzo opened his mouth, wanting to reassure Genji as he heard panic beginning to seep into the concerned questions, but his voice wouldn’t work “Hanzo?”

It was too much.

     Seeing the concern in the brown eyes, the panic twisting the scarred voice that was exposed and vulnerable at this time of night. Emotions that Hanzo didn’t deserve, that he had lost all right to that day in Hanamura when he had spilled his brother’s blood. Shuddering, trying not o focus on the red that was filling his vision once more he shoved the covers away, pushing his brother’s hands away when Genji reached out to try and stop him from moving. “Don’t…” Hanzo finally got his voice to work, but it was thin and wavering, barely recognisable to his own ears but it was enough to make Genji hesitate for a moment, buying him enough time to stumble from his bed. He landed on unsteady legs, taking half a second to regain his balance before bolting for the bathroom.

     Reaching it he stumbled inside, pushing the door shut behind him. However, he lacked the focus to deal with the lock and he just prayed that his brother would leave him be as he turned, falling to his knees in front of the toilet a split second before he lost control of his stomach. His entire body throbbed as he retched, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he fought back a sob. It had been a long time since he had reacted to blood like this and he had forgotten just how bad it could get, guilt immediately chasing the tail of that thought, because how could he have forgotten what it felt like to be covered in blood? To be covered in his brother’s blood…in Genji’s blood?

   He felt drained by the time his stomach began to settle, shuddering as he slumped against the toilet, waving a trembling hand in front of the flush as he fought to regulate his breathing. _It’s not there anymore. No one is hurt, no one is bleeding. Genji is fine._

    He remained like that for a few minutes, eyes closed in case the red returned, just focusing on breathing and repeating those words like a mantra until he began to feel a little calmer. His stomach was still churning although not as badly before, and he gave himself another moment or two before he finally stirred.

     Slowly he opened his eyes, pushing himself up onto his knees and glancing down as he moved to push himself up, only to freeze as he found his hands stained red with blood once more. He knew that it wasn’t really there, but it felt and smelt so real and there was no holding back the shuddering sob that wracked his body a moment later. His hands were stained with blood, it was always there…it had always been there, and he had been foolish to believe otherwise. Shuddering and gasping he managed to stagger to his feet, stumbling and weaving as he moved to the basin, frantically turning the hot water on as high it would go and plunging his hands under the spray. It hurt, the water stinging against his skin, scalding it and yet he didn’t pull his hands away, instead grabbing the soap and beginning to scrub at them, tears trickling down his cheeks as he tried to clean away the blood.

_Why? Why won’t it go away?_

   No, he knew the answer to that question. It made the burning pain of the hot water against his hands even more needed. He deserved that pain, he…

     Gentle hands gripped his shoulders, tugging, trying to pull him away from the burning spray and Hanzo immediately fought back, frantically reaching for the water once more, because now that his hands were no longer under the spray all he could see was the blood staining them. The hands holding him were unrelenting but gentle as they pulled him further away from the one thing that promised salvation, and he wanted to howl in frustration, why couldn’t they understand that he needed this? That he deserved it? He didn’t have the words to plead with his captor, instead he tried to lunge forwards again, the movement immediately arrested by the hands tightening on his shoulders and it was sheer desperation that got his voice to work. “P-Please…” His voice cracked, throat tightening. “It won’t come off, it won’t come off…I have to wash it off. Please…”

“Hanzo.” The soft voice broke through his panic, sliding in amongst his jumbled thoughts and he faltered, eyes widening as he realised that he had been fighting against Genji. His stomach lurching again as he caught the anguish and understanding in his brother’s eyes, and his gaze skittered away as shame flooded him.

“It won’t go away… _It shouldn’t go away, I shouldn’t be allowed to forget.”_

    Genji’s heart ached at the whisper, having a feeling that he wasn’t supposed to have heard those words, and he swallowed, unsure of what to say or how to proceed. Maintaining his hold on his brother, not trusting Hanzo not to lunge for the basin again, he glanced down at where Hanzo was twisting his hands nervously, wincing as he took in the reddened skin, raw from being scrubbed under the scalding water. He had hesitated over entering the bathroom after he’d heard Hanzo throwing up, well aware of how proud his brother was, but now he was cursing himself for waiting, especially when his brother’s expression abruptly crumpled. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry. It won’t go away, I know it won’t…it shouldn’t. I can’t be allowed to forget what I did, I can’t wash that away…I’m sorry.”

    Genji wasn’t sure if Hanzo was even aware that he was still there, and his heart broke further with each fresh apology, with each broken word and he sighed, turning his attention back to the reddened hands. He had forgiven his brother a long time ago, although it hadn’t been easy, and he had told Hanzo that much, but it was clear that his words hadn’t taken hold. Then again actions had always spoken louder to Hanzo than words.

“Here,” Genji murmured, voice soft, cautious as he pushed against Hanzo’s shoulders, relieved when his brother finally gave way beneath his insistence, the fight seemingly draining from him. Although the new passivity scared him as well as he carefully guided Hanzo backwards, reaching behind him to flip down the toilet seat before urging him to sit down. Hanzo obeyed, blinking sluggishly as though he was struggling to comprehend what was gong on and Genji felt a fresh surge of concern, shaken to see his brother in this state. Making sure that Hanzo wasn’t about to topple off the seat without support, he moved across to the sank and turned the water to cold, waiting impatiently for it to shift before running his hands under it, making sure it was cool enough. Satisfied he reached for one of the cloths that Angela kept stacked on the shelves and soaking it under the water, wringing it out loosely, before he moved back to Hanzo, dropping to his knees in front of him and reaching cautiously for the reddened hands. “Hanzo, can you look at me?”

    It took repeating that request a couple of times before his brother obeyed, hesitantly lifting his head just enough to meet his gaze and Genji felt his breath catch at the raw pain in the dark eyes. _Hanzo._  Taking a deep breath, knowing that only one of them could fall apart at the moment, before gently pulling Hanzo’s hands closer, earning a small wince despite the care he took. “I’m going to wash it away, okay? I’m going to wash the blood away.”

“You can’t…”

“Why not?” Genji asked, letting a hint of steel enter his voice, knowing that they needed to stop this cycle before it went any further. “It’s my blood, isn’t it?” He felt the flinch that met his question and took it as confirmation, gently running the cool cloth over the reddened skin, making sure to wipe every inch of skin as gently as possible, but keeping an eye on Hanzo’s face which was why he caught the tiny nod that met his question a couple of minutes later. “Then I can wipe it away. I’m the only one that can clean it away for good.”

“But…” Hanzo wasn’t arguing with, the fight completely gone from him now, instead he was staring at him as though he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. “Why would you?”

“I told you, didn’t I?” Genji asked, voice softening again even as he continued his ministrations, making sure to hold Hanzo’s gaze so that his brother couldn’t possibly miss what he was saying. “I forgave you a long time ago, now you have to learn to forgive yourself. And if this blood won’t let you,” he paused for a moment, letting his hands rest over Hanzo’s closing his eyes for a moment as he was assailed by the memory of seeing those hands, stained with his blood, hovering over him as his vision faded. But that was an old memory, one that he’d long since come to terms with and had no place in this time, and he shook his head, opening his eyes and meeting Hanzo’s gaze once more. “Then I will clean it away for you, once and for all.”


End file.
